tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
