What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
