I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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