we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize