Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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