Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
