Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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