i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
