You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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