I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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