my phone cant type all the emotion im having
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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