Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
