We won't sleep together?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
