the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
