If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
