Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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