I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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