Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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