whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We need to feng shui this bitch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
