You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
