The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
