nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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