is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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