I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize