Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
