i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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