Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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