I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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