Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Mom said you looked used
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She needs sedatives and a leash
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize