cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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