I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
