So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
