To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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