when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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