either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
