Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
