Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
