He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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