nut hugger
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
