Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
