I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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