chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't deserve a penis
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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