I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize