Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
