dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
