I think I died a long time ago.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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