Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
