Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
