When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
