I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
