I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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