my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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