a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
