So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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