farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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