i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You ruined the universe
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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