Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
