Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
