mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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