After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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