well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
