New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
