i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
