i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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