Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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