eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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