I could make wine with my vomit
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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