just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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