Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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