Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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