Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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