Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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